I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
