I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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