Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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