grandma shit on top of the toilet
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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