the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
