is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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