my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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