i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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