My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
