I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
