so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
