Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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