i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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