Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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