Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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