Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
