3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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