Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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