I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We are two peas in an std pod
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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