and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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