He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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