I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
