yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
