I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
