Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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