escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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