According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
