More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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