I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
