Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize