I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
