i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
