you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
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I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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