I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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