if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just want to make out with him forever
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize