You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
