i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it was like eating out sand paper
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
