You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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