Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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