im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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