O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
