haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
