be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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