I just cut my nipple shaving
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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