that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
