pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
