I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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