are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
