No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to make out with him forever
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
