I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
