so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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