Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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