That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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