He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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