i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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