Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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