Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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