Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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