how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize