You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Randomize
