I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
