My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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