I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
