my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
