Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
