i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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