Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize