the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
