A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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