I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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