I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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