I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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