I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
