Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
