I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
