when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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