She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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