would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
