yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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