the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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